2017 Firepunk Anteater Racing Team Biographies! (mostly non-fiction)
 

I realized I retired from diesel racing when it was brought to my attention that I no longer owned a race trailer or race truck. I thought to myself: "Self, what should we do?"

"Well, we should probably pour cubic dollars into other people's trucks!"

"Good idea." (As you can see, my inner monologue has a fantastic sense of grammar and not so fantastic sense of saving money.)

So, without further pandering, I present to you:
The 2017 Firepunk Anteater Racing Team.

Day 1, Anteater Race Team Bio #1. Austin 'The Other Ginger' Doidge. A long-time fine art lover, Austin originally hails from the small town of Van Wert Ohio. Austin's 1996 Dodge Ram runs an 800HP+ 12-valve Cummins engine while a custom assembled 48RE transmission directs the power through 32x12 drag slicks.
Of course Austin's choice of standalone transmission controller is the Anteater; "everything shifts exactly as I command it." Austin's goals for the season include winning, eating tacos and understanding Calculus.

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Day 2, Anteater Racing Team Bio #2. Landon 'The Tallest Hobbit' Miller. Rolling out of bed, eventually, the towering peak of the Miller brothers, all 5'8", rises, dodging the clouds and chasing down the elusive underpants orcs before heading out to the Firepunk shop. When not at work, Landon's photogenic 2007 Dodge competes in various drag racing classes and culinary arts competitions. "I love the Anteater Controllers because they work well on our customer's transmissions and I never need to troubleshoot them. If I could use them for baking cakes, my life would be complete."

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Day 3. Anteater Racing Team Bio #3. Larson 'The Playboy Hobbit' Miller. Settling down after a hearty second breakfast and four Monster Energy drinks, Larson, the playboy hobbit, finds himself on top of a tall ladder, reaching to get finger deep in a transmission pan. "The fluid smells great!" Our spunky hero remarks. "My days are filled with happy shafts, complete shifts and a general sense of completion since switching to an Anteater for transmission control." Be on the look out for Larson's 2007 Dodge Ram on the Outlaw Diesel circuit this year after a First Place finish in the 2016 7.70 series.

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Day 4. Anteater Racing Team Bio #4. Matthew 'Dibbles' Williamson. The classically trained kung-fu and Plain City-style pizza master, Dibbles can always be found practicing putting a good dip in. Never satisfied with his ever expanding skill set, Matthew, after finishing his 2000 Dodge with a Common Rail Cummins, plans on taking up competitive crocheting. "The Anteater is the best thing I've installed in my truck. Instead of being 50 minutes late every day, consistent performance has lowered that to 45 minutes and my boss couldn't be more proud! Pizza Delivery and running the 7.70 Outlaw Class on the weekends will never be the same!"
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Day 5. Anteater Racing Team Bio #5. Rick Fox. No trick foxes here folks; Radical Rick is the real deal! While his popularity restricts him solely to Skype interviews, Radical Rick's penchant for street tacos is known 'round the world. While piloting his 2000 Dodge Ram, nicknamed Dazzle, with a 6.4l Common Rail Cummins down the drag strip has resulted in many trophies, Rick's most passionate endeavor is his vision training school for ants. "I bought the Anteater thinking that I could get rid of my fugitive ant problem, but the real genius is the way it consistently controls my transmission shifts. Now, where is the nearest Mexican restaurant?"
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This is freaking great LOL

i remember when I first bought parts off a joefarmer...aloooong time ago..help me out tho with the diodge thing

Branodyn.....FREAKIN' GOLD, my friend. Gold.

:hehe:

Moar...we need MOAR!!

LOL

Are you certain there isn't at least one aardvark in the wood shed?

This is gonna be good. LOL

you had me at "Firep......."

This needs printed on paper and ever stand by the end of the month.

That would be an awesome Calendar!!

I'd buy one. :D

That is his last name I believe

Questions:

1) Would the universe implode if Mr. Diodge owned a Ford?

2) Who's the Other Ginger that he's the "Other Ginger" to?

3) Why do I know the name Rick Fox? From a DPC?

4) Dibbles = Cheetos :)

2- I'm assuming, Woosley.
3- Rick used to be pretty active here.

You are correct. And woosley gave me that name to! I think a calendar with race dates ect on it would be awesome

I like the calendar idea. There's 11 trucks in the team and the calendar year has 11 months so we're golden... wait. LOL

Day 6. Anteater Racing Team Bio #6. 'Reckless' Rolanda Miller. Stare deep enough into Reckless Ro's ear holes and the ultra fervent mastermind behind Firepunk billing is revealed. Never satisfied with just answering the #6 button on the phone, Ro rolls out in her gorgeous silver 2006 Dodge Ram. "The Anteater controller makes my life easy. The phone queue may feel overloaded some days, but I know the Anteater controller never breaks a sweat." -Reckless Ro as she backs over a runaway garden gnome.
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