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Old 09-22-2010, 03:41 PM   #1
calereeves

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Relationships....

Why does this **** have to be so ****in hard on a relationship? I got 39 days left in this place and i'm considering extending for another 6 months just so I don't have to go home and deal with bull**** from the woman again. Its just ****in easier here, in that regard. Anybody else in a failing/failed relationship because you're deployed?
 
Old 09-22-2010, 03:52 PM   #2
SHughes
 
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Married? or Dating? How long?
How long have you been gone?
First time delpoyed while in a relationship? Or is this ongoing after several deployments away from the same woman??

How old are the two of you?

And yes...if you look around, most everyone is in a similar situation...and it sucks for EVERYONE involved!!!
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That statement just reduced the collective IQ of the entire forum.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 03:53 PM   #3
Snedge
 
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By woman, Do you mean wife or girlfriend?
 
Old 09-22-2010, 03:55 PM   #4
Snedge
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SHughes View Post
Married? or Dating? How long?
How long have you been gone?
First time deployed while in a relationship? Or is this ongoing after several deployments away from the same woman??

How old are the two of you?

And yes...if you look around, most everyone is in a similar situation...and it sucks for EVERYONE involved!!!

Jeez Scott. I know you have some relationship/deployed experience, but a true consular only asks one question at a time. We don't want to overload the subject !!!!
 
Old 09-22-2010, 03:58 PM   #5
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true dat, but that would take FOREVER in this setting. it's not like we're sitting at a table having a beer. mmm beer
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That statement just reduced the collective IQ of the entire forum.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:08 PM   #6
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I also know you know something about things taking forever.

You are the superman of patience in my book.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:17 PM   #7
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Just call me Jobe...I mean Job.
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That statement just reduced the collective IQ of the entire forum.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:20 PM   #8
calereeves

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Originally Posted by SHughes View Post
mmm beer
Indeed. I could go for several right now. We've been together for a year, been gone for 4 months, not married. She wanted to before I left, I said no way. She's great, definitely seems like the one I could have gone for, but I wasn't gonna rush off into it. I'm 25, she's 30. Divorced, 2 kids. She was military out of high school, her ex was deployed as an AF firefighter (can you really call that a deployment?? :-) ) So you'd think she's been through this **** and understands.

I guess the real problem is probably the availability to talk 24/7. This **** would probably be easier if I only got to talk to her once every few days or something. It started out fine, we'd talk every night on skype for a good while, then she started having friends over and wouldn't even answer the phone "because she didn't want to be rude." I was waking my ass up at 0430 every morning to make sure we got to talk when it was convenient for her before she went to bed...I know she's busy during the day with the kids and the house and all that jazz, so I did what I had to to make things easy on us...I'd get up at 430, talk to her for 30 min or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, then head to the gym before work. Worked fine.

Progressively its gotten worse and worse, but if I call her out on it, about how we'll go days without talking at all, all of a sudden I'm "riding her as s" and "always *****ing at her." This all came to a head after she went to the bar for her 2nd "birthday party" a week after the real birthday party and I didn't hear a friggin word from her for 4 days. She says that I don't trust her, I say how friggin hard is it to send me an email or text or whatever over the course of 4 days?!? I've made myself available to her nearly 24/7 unless I'm travelling (just got back from Taji today). But she can't even send me a "hey, I'm still alive" text or ANYTHING.


Not to mention she's been an emotional ****ing rollercoaster, going between I want to get married and have a baby when you get back, to I ****ing hate you for being gone and not helping me out with anything here around the house. (She recently went back to the doctor after I gave her an ultimatum about the radical mood swings, and the doc gave her some crazy pills, so that has calmed down a little bit).


I'm so pissed off right now about everything with it, I'm just ready to quit. If it weren't for the $2500 I've spend on our Cancun trip for when I get back, I'd have probably ended it a few days ago. She's great when things are ok, but as soon as the slightest thing happens, its always "you don't understand what its like for me, and you don't do anything to help".

Well guess what? Life ain't easy, and there's always gonna be stress, and I DO do everything I can to help (sending money, making arrangements for handyman to come fix **** at the house, hiring a yard man to mow the grass, setting up appointments for her to get the car fixed, sending her flower to make her feel good about "us".... everything I can think of that I can actually accomplish from over here).


Just seems like theres no winning. I know I'm just *****ing right now, not really a whole lot of cohesive thought that's gone into this posting, just a bunch of rambling... gotta vent somehow I guess. Like I said, when things are good, she's great, and we're great, but its only gotten worse throught the deployment, and I'm in the highest tasked career field in the air force (1:0.9 dwell ratio....I think spec ops guys might be the only ones tasked harder...?) That means every six months or slightly less, I could be leaving for a 6 month deployment, so this ain't gonna stop anytime soon. I love her, and I love the kids, but man, I just keep thinking I'm doing what I can to make it better and its just not working.


If I give my APO, anybody wanna send me some booze? You know, REALLY support your troops?
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:33 PM   #9
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Your kids? Your house? (two questions sorry)

If not. Well, as Scott mentioned beer will fix that. If you are alowed booze

When I was in the military you called when you hit a port every month or so. Otherwise you were lucky to get a letter every week or so. I believe you are dead on with having to hear about everything, and be in constant contact. You are a military man. You have to have a woman that can take care of herself without loading the stress on you.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:35 PM   #10
calereeves

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Her kids, her house.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:38 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calereeves View Post
Her kids, her house.
See.... That makes things easier. You can walk. She knows this. If you are getting the signs...walk.

Beer.

Thanks for the service. I like my freedom.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 04:42 PM   #12
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I agree with Snedge. She has shown by her past that she can't handle the deployments. If you extend your deployment there will be no saving it anyways.

Go back, go to Cancun, put your stuff in storage and redeploy.
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Old 09-22-2010, 04:55 PM   #13
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Looks like you're getting some pretty solid advice, in the end you're the only one who can make the decision.
 
Old 09-22-2010, 07:39 PM   #14
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Feel your pain brother. That was our biggest problem, too much time to talk. You run out of things to talk about and keep the conversation interesting because its the same ole crap every day. It worked out well when I went on another deployment that literally we were lucky to get a call out a week and we didnt have internet for skype. So try less contact the heart grows more fond over time or something like that.

The whole bar thing sounds fishy though. However she has kids so how much can she really get away with?? The extention deal always sounded nice to me to but, getting home seemed more important than the money. So follow your heart and there seems to be some good advise being given.

Id say you got it made. You have no ties with her and you can leave at any time. Hell go on a vacation with yourself and pick up a vacation chick and have a blast. Good luck
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:27 AM   #15
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I've been in your shoes and your story is scary familiar. I'm not gonna sugar coat this. She's cheating. Walk away. You'll be a lot happier. Trust me.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:03 AM   #16
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sounds like there is nothing to tie you down to her, not married not your kids.
If she beeing this way now, what makes you think its going to get any better when you get back home.
Now i have wanted to go back to work a few times from when me and the wife plan an aurgument but dang man. I would tell her she beeing crazy and when she starts her crap again, just walk away.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:11 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake View Post
I've been in your shoes and your story is scary familiar. I'm not gonna sugar coat this. She's cheating. Walk away. You'll be a lot happier. Trust me.
Hammer found the nail head here...
 
Old 09-23-2010, 09:15 AM   #18
Scooter's Roofing

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you're young, life is short... I'd leave her hanging and enjoy your vacation to Mexico
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that's pretty much all of it
 
Old 09-23-2010, 09:39 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calereeves View Post
Why does this **** have to be so ****in hard on a relationship? I got 39 days left in this place and i'm considering extending for another 6 months just so I don't have to go home and deal with bull**** from the woman again. Its just ****in easier here, in that regard. Anybody else in a failing/failed relationship because you're deployed?
Yep
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:45 AM   #20
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Im not familiar with the deployments however I agree that she is most likely cheating and isnt answering phones on the days her boy toy is there. Run from her cause if she gets angry with you for doing the right thing how will she ever cope if you make a wrong decision. Divorced women kinda scare me...no joke. My current wife was divorced and although her reasons for a divorce were her exs bad decisions, her and I have argued about her treating me like I was her ex. Id say sign up for a Facebook account if you dont already have one, meet some random chicks on there, and put up a public invite to go on vacation with you and tell them all that you will be drawing a name from those who ask to go. Chicks like randomness! A guy that is willing to take a chick on a Cancun vacation is very random and they will eat it up! Best of luck to you and THANK YOU for serving our country!
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