Indeed. I could go for several right now. We've been together for a year, been gone for 4 months, not married. She wanted to before I left, I said no way. She's great, definitely seems like the one I could have gone for, but I wasn't gonna rush off into it. I'm 25, she's 30. Divorced, 2 kids. She was military out of high school, her ex was deployed as an AF firefighter (can you really call that a deployment??
) So you'd think she's been through this **** and understands.
I guess the real problem is probably the availability to talk 24/7. This **** would probably be easier if I only got to talk to her once every few days or something. It started out fine, we'd talk every night on skype for a good while, then she started having friends over and wouldn't even answer the phone "because she didn't want to be rude." I was waking my ass up at 0430 every morning to make sure we got to talk when it was convenient for her before she went to bed...I know she's busy during the day with the kids and the house and all that jazz, so I did what I had to to make things easy on us...I'd get up at 430, talk to her for 30 min or so, sometimes more, sometimes less, then head to the gym before work. Worked fine.
Progressively its gotten worse and worse, but if I call her out on it, about how we'll go days without talking at all, all of a sudden I'm "riding her as s" and "always *****ing at her." This all came to a head after she went to the bar for her 2nd "birthday party" a week after the real birthday party and I didn't hear a friggin word from her for 4 days. She says that I don't trust her, I say how friggin hard is it to send me an email or text or whatever over the course of 4 days?!? I've made myself available to her nearly 24/7 unless I'm travelling (just got back from Taji today). But she can't even send me a "hey, I'm still alive" text or ANYTHING.
Not to mention she's been an emotional ****ing rollercoaster, going between I want to get married and have a baby when you get back, to I ****ing hate you for being gone and not helping me out with anything here around the house. (She recently went back to the doctor after I gave her an ultimatum about the radical mood swings, and the doc gave her some crazy pills, so that has calmed down a little bit).
I'm so pissed off right now about everything with it, I'm just ready to quit. If it weren't for the $2500 I've spend on our Cancun trip for when I get back, I'd have probably ended it a few days ago. She's great when things are ok, but as soon as the slightest thing happens, its always "you don't understand what its like for me, and you don't do anything to help".
Well guess what? Life ain't easy, and there's always gonna be stress, and I DO do everything I can to help (sending money, making arrangements for handyman to come fix **** at the house, hiring a yard man to mow the grass, setting up appointments for her to get the car fixed, sending her flower to make her feel good about "us".... everything I can think of that I can actually accomplish from over here).
Just seems like theres no winning. I know I'm just *****ing right now, not really a whole lot of cohesive thought that's gone into this posting, just a bunch of rambling... gotta vent somehow I guess. Like I said, when things are good, she's great, and we're great, but its only gotten worse throught the deployment, and I'm in the highest tasked career field in the air force (1:0.9 dwell ratio....I think spec ops guys might be the only ones tasked harder...?) That means every six months or slightly less, I could be leaving for a 6 month deployment, so this ain't gonna stop anytime soon. I love her, and I love the kids, but man, I just keep thinking I'm doing what I can to make it better and its just not working.
If I give my APO, anybody wanna send me some booze? You know, REALLY support your troops? LOL
